Saturday, June 20, 2009

Memoirs of a playa online volume 4

Back ground Info: Big Organization, with branches all over the country, has internet with chatting facilities. One guy, and a babe in a totally different company…………..welcome to

Memoirs of a playa online volume 4

Via Mail

Day 1


hello there, some how your name came up and it struck me, pls could you be Mummy Smith's relation(coker road)?

5 days later


hi, sorry was out of office for a few days, hence d delay in replying ur mail.

Am her son to b precise.

where do u know her from?


Well if i may say that she is one of the kindest women i know, I’ve only met her like 2ce but i know a lot about her , cos my younger brother and sister is actually being housed, bred and buttered by her right now!

She has been to me like an answered prayer as my siblings moving to lagos was of great concern to me but alas

man proposes and God just does what He does bets by taking care of them through Grandma.

So as it is you must also be as kind hearted as she is hence i could not help sending the mail when i saw your surname, BONG!!!! it literarily rang a bell...


ur broda and sista, being housed by her rite now?

hmmmm, cn't recollect, and last tyme i checked, na only my people i c for house.

don't know about being kind hearted, cos i cn't mirror myself.

anyway, today is actually her b/day, will ask her about it,

doubt if she would remember sha, she too get plenty "children" outside i.e. people that like her naturally, but hw come u came about me mail addy?


Sorry had to go out marketing,1stly you addy came up on the long list of forever being forwarded mails and I sighted it.2ndly my brother, boye or Gboyega and my sister, Temidayo stay wit her. Didn't know today was her birthday cos I spoke with them at home this morning but on a more serious note I didn't know she had an Gideon for a son or is this your second name?


Gboyega? Temidayo? same surname, Abolore, abi? ok, i will ask her.

well, people call me Gideon, family tend to call me olajide

wait did u say, coker road, Orile? lol

ok, dats my aunt, not my mum. lol

sorry about d mix up

then its bros Ayo and Bankole u would know.


now that's more familiar,Gideon was kinda odd!!


ok, but i guess its my aunt in Orile u meant


Day 2

Via Mail


Sorry to bother you but I've gotten so sick of all these forwarded mails I actually don't even read them again but as it is, it was on one of them that I got ur addy.

I find it frightening to imagine the number of pple my addy could be exposed to just by forwarding mails... not to mean anything but it's kinda crazy.....

wat you think?


yeah, i know what u mean, but its a two way tingy

u send mails to friend, they 4ward to their other friends

other friends send mails to ur friends, they forward to u.

but then spammin, and other forms of malicious intent can come out of such,

Well, u can't have it all, just have to b careful.

so, what unit u in ur office?


guess ur right but i just tire to dey forward mails....

am the company's domain manager for d western region.....(plenty grammar?)

wat do u do in ur dept?


domain manager? hmm, sounds pretty cool, well,

am a credit person, u know, analyse loan applications and recommend as appropriate to senior mgt.

ur surname, Abolore? not sure how to pronounce it, but i know its Yoruba, what does it mean?

ok, cos u in Ibadan, dats y ur bro and sis are in lag, guess ur hussy is based in ib too. plenty kids?


I actually laughed and I know soon all will laugh with me....

well it's pronounced aboloreeee (its a mouth full).

now that picture is cool, but the real deal is dat am not married

and just got transferred to Ibadan from Kano 3wks ago.

no kids yet though... but wait a minute why am I telling you all this!

you could be a serial killer all I know

so wat's your side of the story

let me guess...5 kids and a lovely wife, house on the beach, obscene bank acct, country home on the Swiss alps …………blah blah blah


lol, nice pix of me too, esp d bank acct and houses. sum cool imagination u got

but got none of dat yet, work in progress sha.

well, i aint no serial killer, well, maybe a former serial playa. lol

but me think, me have quit d game.

am just a fun lover, love to c tins from d fun side of life, serious when needed

( but no good idea of when dat is)

but u dey njoy o, from kano to ib, soon, it will be paris, then from

paris to london, then to new york, hmmm, too much igadun

u on facebook? add my yahoomail,

let me c d pretty face attached to d gbogbo bigs gal


well i don't know 'bout gbogbo bigz gurlz, but me am just me!

well yeah i had a good stay in the north except for the riot part but i truly miss kano...

former playa hmmm! very interesting..why'd u quit the game? u got bored or u married?

anyway my email addy is

but pls don't scream in horror when you see my pics as u've been warned, u are OYO.

oshomo, was that like ur nickname, someone must have really picked on you when you were little.


not married yet

quit d game , cos can't b a playa4life, been there, done dat, and was tyme to move on

funny enuff, oshomo is my nick name, had a group of friends in sec sch, we named ourself like dat,

in dat order, u knw, amechi - ameomo, doyin - do doomo etc

but mine stuck d more, esp since i love to write ,

then again it represents d crazy, naughty side of me.


U sent me a nice Christian just now,

Ok, ok I've read I'll pass it on

but what if I was a Muslim you never asked...


nah, i know, u aint a muslim, but dats a guess, one i think i can safely make.

and if u are, well, .......would not b a bad idea converting u


well you won't need to 'cos i already met with Jesus and He's been very humorous with me.

Sometimes He tells me to do things and am like pls Lord not me plssss, does it happen to you?

P.s you still haven't told me you're not a serial killer nor how your kids are nor how many or could they be like....10!


Uncle brother J, got my back

even though i can't say i do d tins He wants, when He wants, and how He wants,

but, we still rollin and coasting togeda, cos no friend like Jesus.

as per d humor, dats my way of life wit Him,

puttin smiles on faces is His major task 4me, and i love it

serial killer? kids? stay tuned, hey check again, I have sent d response to dat already

but won't b a bad idea to come stake u though.

u know, have a stake out, outside ur home,

......maybe, if lucky, directly opposite ur,...,

hmmmm, ....., well, lights, camera , action,

( don't mind me o, just joking o, no offense intended)


funny is an understatement....can i call you?

Day 3

Via Mail


morning omoge, how was ur nite? dream of me?

ba yawa , got no problems with u with callin,

BUT....... mtn netwrk is very bad here , in my office,

y i left it there on my sent mail since people can't get thru?

well, my work involves contact with plenty bank marketers and their wahala can b too much,

u know, tryin to extract info , influence opinions and all dat,

so instead of saying i can't give dem my numba,

i gave one they would sweat to get thru on.

well, u can try calling it if u feel

u want my personal line i.e. zain? i only give it to special people

or u wait till am out of d office b4 callin?

ur choice, ur call,

so omoge, classify thyself


if you know wat's good for you u'd better give me your zain number or else......


hmmm, naija women, couldn't u have asked more romantically,

u know i have a fragile heart u come dey threaten me on top,

i almost pissed in my pants.

and again, u come take style dodge classification,

alrite now, ok o,all correct

i kuku decided to make u sweat small...........hope u loved your maths teacher, else, u go sweat plenty

d below is my zain number, two numbers are not stated clearly, u would have to figure dem out by calculating,

08022 (45-35+25 divided by 5, times 7, minus 49) 7 (101 times 102, divided by 2, divided by 51, minus 1, minus 100), 888

u have to calculate for d numbas in d bracket

and abeg, tale a pix or urself, while u sweat on

n.b. u didn't confirm me on facebook, added u last nite,


u still battling wit d maths ni?

were u d one dat called my mtn wit a glo numba?

dats ojoro, sheatin, cheatin, expo, dubbin, wuru wuru to d ansa , u wan dodge d maths abi?

hmmm, lazy girl


men you harsh o is it 'cos i din't ask politely? well for ur info i almost failed maths so am so sorry but i can't unravel the myth better i give you mine but infact you already have it i called 'cos i couldn't do the maths.

see ya.

my email addy is

see ya cash ya lara.

Later dat nite, Via Text



Is dis ur zain number? It was to ur mtn numer I sent a txt

Yels, last tme I checked

What are u still doin awake by dis time?

Well, slept earlier, I now woke up hungry

So what will u eat?

Dunno, am out of indomie and groundnut

Na wa o, shouldn’t u’ve a girlfriend that would have cooked stew to put in d fridge, and warm to eat later

Rats are by now njoying my turkey stew, it got spoilt, since nepa is messed up and I can’t leave the gen on when am nt arnd.

Pele, d pix just became more grim

Well, guess garri and sugar is d only solution for nw

damn, what’s dat?


Well, its way past my bedtime, am off to bed, gd nite 

Ok, slp tits, dream of me o

Dream? I dn’t even knw what u look like

Hmmm, ok, put d dreams on hold for now

Ok, gd nite

Slp tits

Day 4

Via Mail 


Lol, lazy bum bum ni e o!!! u no even attempt am

well, its all good.

hw ws ur nite? hope u slept well

any dreams? i have ur email already,u only need to confirm me, cos i ve already added u on face book,

and i saw d pix of one sweet lookin chick like dat

d lovely face of western region, abi?

nice day dear


hello you!! so what ate you for dinner last night?


what ate me? hmmmm, mosquitoes,

would have wanted sumtin else , more interesting to do d eating, but ,

guess can't always eat me cake, and bake another one


ole what else would you want to eat u if not mosquitoes as u've refused to get rid of them.

what do you look like self, me am a mix of Jessica alba and Angelina ablast!!!

also how old are u sef , I could be chatting with my school son for all I know thanks to technology.


Jessica alba and Angelina jolie, hmmmm, cool, nice, very nice

can i have ur autograph pls, yes, on my back, ok, lower, ...lower still, yes, yes, on dat place that is more fleshy.

am def not ur school son., cos i was too......... .to have had a school mother,

she fit don go get belly. lol

Name = Gideon Smith aka Oshomo

Apperance = i look like my papa, only younger, cuter and sexier.

Sex = 3 times daily

Age= well, old enuff, early thirties

Addy = bigs boiz hood

occupation = i occupy a seat in one place like dat sha

Hobbies= writin, reading, dancin, and kissin

and u? whats ur 411,


bros i am trying very hard to act like a boss here but I have smiles curling up my lips in both corners

my staff will be wondering that what’s making the witch laugh!!!

u are just too much!!! really I can't help myself.

Name- Funmi Abolore aka fine baby

appearance-mother's photocopy with daddy's colour shade(chocolate brown)

sex- male and female(hermaphrodite)


addy-newly moved to ibadan.

height-5ft 6"

body type- OROBO PEPSI

occupation-sales gurl of western region naija

hobbies-singing, dancing, swimming, movies, reading, sight seeing (nature lover), workaholic.

state of origin-kogi

best feature-my lips(lovely if I may say so myself!)

psyche-fun loving and jovial, can be introverted atimes though.

p.s love love love music



orobo pepsi, hmmmm


lovely lips , hmmm,

want me to ,....rule ur lips? and kiss with pride?

now u got me thots on riot

and me imaginations runnin wild.

let me not into temptation, ....... i can find it myself


Na u sabi! That wasn't my intention far be it from me to lead you to temptation.

Yes o! I be OROBO proper. You no give me all ur info o,sitting there dreaming 'bout lips better stand down 'n get working..

infact I shouldn't lead you to temptation 'cos you can find it yourself.....

You must have been like that predator thing stalking and killing gurls in you playa days!(hope you seen Arnold's predator movie)

But you know once a dog always a bingo, are you sure the deliverance was complete? me am in doubt o

Hey, bloody hell just did the maths now 'n found out the numbers u were putting me thru was actually zero!

ur such a joker.......



clap for thyself

but am sure u used wuru wuru to d ansa, remember, i used d number to text u last nite

anyways, u just won urself breakfast wit me.

but, please note, breakfast is by 5am, my mansion , sundays only

dress code = wrapper, towel or nightie

and nah, was neva a dog, too decent to slump to dat level,

am just a fun lover , who believes life is too short to be bored, lonely and unhappy.

was neva a predator, there was no need to be one,

my gentle, innocent looks attracted plenty,

my naughty nature made sum stay longer than they wanted


my wild side got me into plenty trouble sha

anyways, am lepacious in stature,

i club once in a while, and i love to dance, am a social drinker, don't smoke

am not an outright extrovert, cos sumtimes i could be annoyingly quiet and incommunicado,

guess dats my way of balancing my two sides

5ft 7, i think, na ruler i use and d tin don break

i do light exercises mostly on weekdays,

i eat when hungry, pounded yam is my favorite, and i know how to prepare it

my cousin stays wit me in my apartment in Ikeja

and, well..........................


believe me I didn’t cheat, I actually took the calculator 'n did it 'n was furious that zero was the sum total of all my struggle.

P.S I've not stored ant of ur numbers yet.

breakfast with such dress code is the recipe for disaster, 'n me thinks I should avoid such for now....

lepacious and still exercises...that will power me, I jog in the mornings too.

so ur now claiming to be able to hold them down 'cos u be don Jon, abi?

good thing you know how to prepare ur best meal, so you can go ahead 'n make it for two.

bros na ur cousins dey stay with you or na u dey stay with ur cousins?

I club like once in a millennium or whenever I get the chance, well its know.......I me too I be social drinker o but I like to form alot outside but behind closed doors????????!!!!!!!!

am actually enjoying all this chatting, infact getting addicted. I like the fact that you sound like a wild and crazy somebody, me, am very down to earth and simple, though with a wild side

which I keep strictly under lock and key, as it'll be unwise for me to unleash the dragon.....

but all in I like the fact that we get along.


i was actually thinkin of ways to still b online on d company's network after close of work,

maybe carry d network go house sef

cos i look forward to ur mails too

me? wild and crazy?, ......well, maybe na only mouth i get sha

so come and see4thyself, ,first hand view, front seat row,

a trial would confuse u

wetin do d dress code4breakfast, y is it a recipe for disaster?

abi, na dinner gown u wan wear for breakfast ni?

oya lie,……. u go don baf b4 5am? and no b wrapper u dey tie to sleep ni?

dis is breakfast dats u get to be served straight from d bed, and after wards, em....em....em, back to bed, well, not alone dis tyme sha......... lol

if u pay d rent of sumwhere, and 3 mths after asked ur cousin in move with u,

who will b said to b stayin wit who? oya ansa,

u drink? dats cool, which ones? shepe, paraga, awopa,

u know, since u do it behind closed door, it can't b red wine or

simple with a wild side? under lock and key? unwise to unleash d dragon?

kilode,?y u dey dull thyself young lady?

hmmmm, we need to unlock ur potentials, do u want me to take u under my wings?

well, ok, i no get wings, but u can still be under .....sumtin

Day 5

Via Mail


well done bros,

I got ur mails and believe me I don't want you to confuse me o!

I like the simple life though, I was surprised you called me dis afternoon,

it's nice to know that you could actually used your initiative.....


"I was surprised you called it's nice to know that you could actually use your initiative..... ""

YEE ORI IYA MI O,......... oh, i mean,

OUCH !!!


whatever it doesn't matter

bros i gasto go now we'll continue by txt ok?

i don go.


ok o, catch ya later

Later that Nite, via Text


I was joking bout ur initiative stuff o


No offense taken, else I 4spank ur bum bum


Don’t u dare…………..


Ok, u scared it will deflate. Well then I might have 2kiss bite u


U’re just terrible.


LoL, nah, am just fun-lovingly naughty


So what is eating u or is it what are u eating4 dinner?


Custard and akara


Dosed off………didn’t know I was so fagged out


Pele, need a massage?


If it will help, yes.


It will help, but I might go off track and end up stuck between 2 hills


U n ur mind, I’ll need bleach to clean it up 4u



To be continued.....................


  1. Nice, suave and cool, i like it!!!
    Keep it coming my guy.

  2. PS. This has gotta be the longerst post in the whole history of blogging!! :D